The double edged sword – COVID-19

I’ve been wanting to write about this for some time now. At the time of writing, 328,000 people globally have died of the disease according to statistics from the World Health Organisation. For the sheer devastation of these losses, and the families and friends who feel it the most, it is hard to write positively about this pandemic. It is clear to me that, were I to be one of the families or friends of these 328,000 people, my experience so far would have been turned entirely on it’s head. It is hard observing the world in times like these.

When the first news about C started to circulate, I was enjoying a trip around South East Asia. Something I will probably write about in 6 years from now at this rate. I was in Vietnam when they announced the closure of schools across the country, I was actually due to teach my first ever class of English to a bunch of 11 year olds. Vietnam acted seriously and very early, which could be one of the reasons it reportedly has no deaths from C.

I was already considering coming home from the trip to attend Cheltenham with some good friends from school (yes I was one of those perhaps foolish and selfish people who at the time couldn’t turn down a chance to enjoy a day in the sun with your besties, drinking a few, betting a few….).

Things got serious a few weeks after I returned. It was especially heartbreaking for me when I saw how much suffering was happening in Spain, a country I lived in recently. At this point it was sinking in that I wouldn’t be returning to Spain any time soon, as I had previously planned. This is when, despite the hard times the UK was about to face, I saw some positive outcomes. Being stuck in England means living again with my parents, hopefully seeing friends and family where safe and having a complete 24 hour day to play with – for which I had plans.

Family
There is an article called ‘the tail end‘ that I read a few times each year. It articulates and powerfully visualises the reality that by the time you are in your mid-30’s, you have very likely spent over 90% of your lifetime-allotted hours with some of your closest family and friends:
“It turns out that when I graduated from high school, I had already used up 93% of my in-person parent time. I’m now enjoying the last 5% of that time. We’re in the tail end.”

For the most part, this is quite a sad read. But knowing this allows me to increase and maximise this time. When I heard I would be stuck in England, it was almost a blessing in disguise – I could now spend more time with my dad than since he moved out of the family home when I was around 10. And, more time with my mum since living at home for my work-study year of university. I could also see my youngest brother, Charles, who is now 15 – probably more frequently than ever before.

I was also able to (at a safe distance) see my grandparents, who are now both in and around their nineties!

Romantic relationship challenges
Also planned for my return home was a first ever visit to England for my girlfriend, Natalia. She was due to arrive a few days after the Cheltenham festival, for a short 5 day trip. After not seeing each other for a number of months, we were desperate for this mini-trip to go ahead. We had some open discussions on what was best – and decided to let the trip go ahead. Part of me was actually hoping that border restrictions would kick in whilst she was here, making her stranded with me in England – not the most selfless wish…

This trip was special. Natalia was able to meet my dad and brother Charles, and we spent the days cautiously exploring deserted cities. My wish almost came true. Natalia’s flight back to Spain was cancelled and she had to rearrange – it gave us a few days more together which we spent in the beautiful and open peak-district.

After she left, we knew we had no idea when we could meet again. But we also knew we would manage. The strong foundations we had set from the start allowed us to talk about everything. We decided to try alphabet dating (but obviously virtual, which is a little more challenging…), to keep things exciting (shout out to Kate for giving us the idea).

We even had some uncomfortable chats – including our first about the threats to our relationship. We had often talked about the great, exciting and positive plans we had together. But we had never talked much about how things could turn sour. We found this interesting, because, in all other aspects of our lives, as humans we plan for things to go wrong. Businesses perform risk assessments to help minimise the chances of severe losses, employees have regular performance reviews and save money just in case the worst happens, pandemic panic-ers buy all the toilet paper and canned tomatoes around just in case the world almost ends. Yet, it isn’t common practice to analyse where things could go wrong with our personal relationships.

We actually borrowed a common strategic planning technique called SWOT to analyse our relationship. We discussed our relationships strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. For each threat, we listed something which could help us prevent or minimise any impact. For the most part, that ‘something’ was ‘talking about it openly at the earliest point’.
At times it was deeply uncomfortable, probably because this was a whole new level of openness even for us. But ultimately, we now have more trust and understanding of each other’s thoughts which should set us up well for the future.

New (and old) hobbies
For a number of years I’ve wanted to learn how to play the guitar. I actually had a few months of lessons when I was a teenager, but at the time it didn’t seem rewarding to me. Practising seemed like another chore, so I learnt basically nothing. In fact, I was the first student that my teacher had ‘failed’.
Skipping forward a few years (13), I recently found a dusty acoustic guitar in my dads garage. After cleaning it up a little and finding an online tuner, I gave it a few strums – it sounded guitar-ish! After a little research, I found a blog about a guy who claimed that *anyone* could learn how to play a few songs on guitar with just 10 hours of practice. No previous musical talent required. I figured that now more than ever, I had 10 hours to spare. After around 5 of these hours, I realised I was onto something here. I was enjoying learning the basics and became excited each time I found a new song I could play with just 3 or 4 chords. Now I can play (badly) some of my favourite songs from Noel Gallagher and Sticky Fingers.

Moving on. Baking seems like it has been taken up by the nation since lockdown. Flour became the new toilet roll). I rolled up my sleeves and made for the first time: granola, cookies and scones. AND I enjoyed the process!

Football. I love football. Ask anyone. They will tell you I love football. I never played much as a kid, for some reason I didn’t like it. I think it’s because everyone else liked it. I always had a thing for not following crowds – including the Pokemon card craze. Sadly this meant I missed out on the chance of learning how to play football at a young age. Because when I did start playing at around 18, I was shit. Now I play when I can.
During lockdown, however, I saw an opportunity! Playing football with Charles most days allowed me to focus on some areas of serious weakness! Almost all good football players I have played with are good at two things that I am not: ball control and kick-ups.
So, I set myself a goal – do 20 kick-ups. I’m not quite there yet, but did get to 18 a few weeks ago. I have faith. And my weaker, left foot has gone from being a complete waste of time to moderately shit.

Trying to play golf on a pitch & putt was also a new experience, and another one I suck at. But still – gotta try. All holes were par three and I usually ended on on 5-7, but I did a lovely hole at four which I’ll forever be proud of.

I was going to list ‘gardening’ as a new hobby, but I can hardly say that taking some free tomato plants and putting them outside taught me much.

Doing good
After being turned down by the NHS volunteer scheme and Age UK for volunteering help, one random walk around Sheffield yielded an idea. What do you notice the most when walking around a city that is usually full of shoppers? The homeless. I had always wanted to strike up a conversation with someone who lives off the streets. This was my chance. After buying a sandwich for one particular guy, he told me that food was worth more than money, because a lot of shops were no longing accepting cash. So, I spoke with Charles, and we came up with an idea to make sandwiches for food-banks to give to the homeless. We have made and delivered 100 sandwiches so far, and around 50 snacks too. We made contact with kind folk on Nextdoor (social media for your neighbourhood – expect a lot of moaning about bonfires and rogue rabbits) and Olio (an app where people can list free food for collection). We got free loaves of bread, some salad items, flapjacks, pasta jars, fruit boxes and more! We used hat we could to make ready-to-eat food and donated the rest.

I also used this time to create a fundraiser project for an old friend who is battling a rare form of cancer at just 29 years old.

And, quite oddly, I became very excited about the weekly applause for the NHS and front-line workers. I started hearing people banging pans, mad honking of car horns, fireworks – it is a drop in the ocean compared to those we are supporting, but it is heart-warming to see and hear the nation’s support.

The transition to self-employment
Another long-term goal. After quitting my job with Santander at the end of 2019, I promised myself not to take another permanent, full-time role. That left me with two options, self-employment or the dole. I had an inkling for a while that I am not destined for this corporate, ladder-climbing rat race. Anyhow, in the longer term, I want to be running my own cyber advisory business – helping smaller companies better understand, prevent and respond to cyber security threats. For now, I joined a freelance platform called Upwork. It gives me the ability to bid for a range of different cyber security related projects – and after months of trying, I have my first piece of work and a few others in the pipeline – including a freelance writing project with a previous company. I’m not earning enough to be fully self-dependent yet, so with my parents putting a roof over my head, I’ve gratefully had the flexibility to work on being freelance.

When I move to Spain, I have around four months of savings left. So by then I need to make ends meet. Saving as much as possible for six months at my previous role turned out to be a good move. You just never know what’s around the corner!

If this blog is no longer accessible in the coming months, you’ll know I failed 😉

MISC
And now for some other tiny experiences:
– Finding a lovely little craft ale shop near Chesterfield (the second oldest micro-brewery in the UK :O )
– Reading Harry Potter for the first time since I was a kid, and gave up when I saw the size of it. Now I’m immersed!
– Being EXTREMELY excited upon finding a farm shop near my dads house that I could walk to
– Discovering that my dad had been hiding scones from me in the freezer for months
– Discovering some old photos (like, very old) of myself in my dads cupboard