My first backtrack

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We start with a spontaneous yet delicious backtrack surprise. Followed by a main of adventurous yet disorganised trips and flight failures served with a side of surprise. All refreshingly swished down with incredible scenery and a shed-load of whatever alcohol is cheapest.

So for the first time on my trip, I backtracked to a previous country. After spending a month in Peru and finally making my way to the bottom (around 45 hours of buses….), I ended up flying all the way back to Guayaquil, Ecuador. Why? Two reasons.

My brother Alex, who flew out to see me in Ecuador some months before, decided to quit his job and embark on his own travel adventure (sorry mum dad and others who thought Alex was ready to settle down).

He would be travelling solo, I didn’t know where and when I would see him again. So, I decided to fly back to Ecuador and surprise him. And, as I’m so well organised, I had no plans to be anywhere at any specific time. I was somewhat crafty in my surprise strategy, I even impressed myself! Alex was going to meet Lilly, the Ecuadorian girl he met on a pub crawl the first time around. Well, I asked her to arrange lunch with Alex. Only she would never turn up, I would instead. This worked a bloody treat.

The second reason to return. Jade was nearby Guayaquil too. Jade is the hilarious and lovely Australian I met working in the bar in Peru – the one who told me I made terrible, terrible cocktails. Two birds one stone, right?

When I head back to Peru and arrive into Guayaquil, Alex rings for a regular catch up on his trip so far. Of course he’s totally oblivious to the fact I’m around the corner from him at this point.

I actually became quite nervous before meeting him, and wasn’t sure the surprise video idea would work. Luckily, it (and the recording) worked perfectly.

We spent the day catching up over many, many beers – regularly re-watching the video and forcing ourselves to consider that it actually happened. It was one of those “I need to keep pinching myself” moments for Alex.

And so, the next few days we spent together hanging around Guayaquil. It has a terrible reputation in terms of crime and not having a great deal to offer. But, aside from a few murders and what not, it does have a rather pretty waterfront and castle, surrounded by little rustic bars and rooftops overlooking the water.

Alex’s friend Lilly lived on her own in a central, rough neighbourhood, and she kindly let me stay with them for a few days. As a someone in her early twenties, she was doing very well for herself as the majority of people her age are unemployed, living with their parents, and are expected to be doing so for years to come. Alex even managed to find some English teaching classes to keep him occupied and earn a few quid.

Some girl gave him her number. Dressed like that, I know.

Back AGAIN?!?!?!?!
Well. The next bit I did not expect. After getting an electric shock, having my manhood squeezed and seeing perhaps the craziest guy to still be breathing in this world today, I never thought I’d ever get close to returning to Montanita – for what then became the third time.

Montanita meant party – booze, cigarettes, night clubs and just basic craziness on a level I’d never experienced before. This time though, thankfully nobody stole my shoes or honked my penis. I did get totally wasted though, which I rarely let happen. I ended up having an early night and a rather painful head the next day(s). Jade, Alex and I partied hard. Far too hard. In fact, that night some epic and terrible dancing occurred in a funky club with it’s own beach:

Other than that things were quite backpacker-like. And by that I mean I basically did absolutely nothing these few days. Jade, Alex and I simply spent the days drinking and beaching by day, and partying by night.

Ayampe.
After such craziness. One can only possibly head one direction. Tranquility. And so it was. I headed to a tiny surfing town called Ayampe. Jade was staying there and immersing herself with Spanish lessons and clean eating. Wasn’t just me who needed said break. The days were spent (mostly) alcohol free, cooking clean nutritious (cheap as hell) food and for me, drinking shed-loads of coffee.

My first surfing lesson happened here – and wow what an experience. Suddenly I understood what the craze was all about. When you are able to stand up and manoeuvre yourself on a wave – it is immensely satisfying and you can’t help but smile. OK, when I say I manoeuvred myself, I mean I managed to stand and not get thrown off for two seconds.

A unique week.
After spending quality time with some favourites, it was time to head on back down South America and keep discovering. After some brief research, for whatever reason, the capital city of Paraguay, Asuncion, was by far the cheapest place to fly. And from there I could spend 1/3 of my life on a bus into Bolivia, the next country I may end up. I never planned on going to Paraguay. That said, I never planned 95% of this trip.
It felt good knowing I would be heading somewhere which likely had very little tourism and where I didn’t know what to expect. Nobody I had met on this trip so far had mentioned Paraguay at all. Well, not at least when I was sober or in any state of mind which allowed me to effectively remember things.

In a previous episode of ‘how to travel like a douche’ you may recall how I mentioned an Argentine girl in Peru who gave me a lecture for not noticing her. After exchanging numbers, Kimi and I spent the next weeks and months getting to know each other, communicating almost each hour of each day. We formed a very close bond which was odd as we’d only spent one hour together in reality.
Well, a crazy idea came out of this bond. As I was due to fly to Paraguay, she suggested to her boss that she could do some work for a volunteering project in Asuncion. Her boss approved.

I couldn’t possibly skip the part where I did another classic flight booking fail. Upon turning up to the airport and trying to check in, I was given a rather puzzled. yet disappointed (oh dear, another one) face from the check in lady.
“But Mr Ashley, your flight is in two weeks from today.” Yes. I had managed to book exactly the flight I wanted, the same time, day of the week and it even had the same bloody flight number! Only two weeks in the future. Which reminds me of a time I travelled a six hour round trip from Sheffield to London dressed as smart as f*ck to attend a job interview, exactly one week early. I didn’t get the job because “we think you would be more suited as a consultant”…. Right…

Well this is awkward. The assistant informed me there was a flight nine hours later that day but I would have to pay a $190 fee to change and pay the fare difference. A little cuteness (crying) and politeness (flirting badly) reduced that to $165, but still, not ideal.

This small error had a second implication unrelated to my diminishing travel pennies. And here’s the strange but wonderful part. Because of the flight debacle, I arrived into Asuncion at around 5am, meaning I had to check into our hotel and creep into bed with someone I’d only ever spent one hour with some months before. It was strange for both of us but made quite a nice story.

In the morning we woke and went for coffee to catch up properly and the awkwardness shook off as the day went by. This was a very short yet unique week. What made it more special was that coincidentally, we picked one of the best weeks to be in Paraguay – they were celebrating the anniversary of their countries independence ( On May 14/15, 1811 Paraguay declared its independence from Spain). This meant lots of parties in the streets, beer, international food markets, live music, beer and dancing every night – a crazy week.

One day, Kimi invited me to visit a school where she was working, miles from the capital in some run-down neighborhood. The school had no funding from the government and amazingly was funded and run by the schoolchildren’s parents and a bunch of volunteers. Kimi was there to capture the story and raise awareness to help the school gain funding – a very selfless job. Some of the kids help a brief Spanish conversation with me but I didn’t understand fully. I imagine they were taking the piss out of my dress style and lame excuse for a beard.